


That's My Spleen, Pine Tree

by Harmony283



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: (if the title didn't give it away), Bill has a human form, Gen, I was trying to go for humor here, Older!Pines Twins, and a ripped out body part, but he's still a demon, but there is blood, the violence isn't explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-14 23:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4583406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harmony283/pseuds/Harmony283
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You can say sorry all ya want, kid, but that’s not givin’ me my spleen back.”  -otherwise known as the time Dipper practiced magic and failed pretty spectacularly. (Sort of)</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's My Spleen, Pine Tree

At this point in Dipper should have expected anything. Gravity Falls, as far as he was concerned, was almost synonymous with surprises and not necessarily of the good variety. This was a perfect example of the _definitely_ surprising and _definitely_ not good.

“I gotta hand it to you, kid; you’re more ruthless than I thought!” Bill staggered to his feet, grin plastered firmly on his face despite all the blood. “But y’know that’s my _spleen_ and I’d kind of like to have it back.” Dipper should be used to this by now, really. Yet somehow Bill, and who else could this be _but_ Bill? Kept surprising him.

Case in point:

-Somehow he was human. An impressive human at that (but really, why wouldn’t he be? He had a flare for the dramatics that Dipper never had—of course this would carry over to his human vessel). He was taller than average, with tan skin and blonde hair that half-swept over the left side of his face. It was hiding what Dipper assumed to be an eye patch judging by the straps going across his nose. His single visible eye blazed an unnatural blue, which left Dipper guessing at what his _normal_ eye color was.

Y’know. Something that was much more important than the other things. Like:

Case in point #2:

-Bill had survived having his spleen ripped out.

Case in point #3:

-He _had_ a spleen?

Case in point #4

-Oh god the _blood_.

Dipper staggered back a few steps before clasping a hand over his mouth and gagging.

Not that it did much good, because not even a few seconds later (maybe it was because Bill was now _prodding_ at the open wound) he had to turn away and projectile vomit the contents of his stomach all over the ground.

“I’m—I’m sorry.”

“You can say sorry all ya want, kid, but that’s not givin’ me my spleen back.”

“I don’t even want your spleen!”

“Then why’d you _take_ it?”

“I wasn’t expecting you to just-aparate!” Much less when he was trying to practice teleporting objects. “I didn’t even know that would—that _could_ happen!”

The fact that Bill’s only response was to laugh harder only made Dipper want to gag even more. There was something infinitely more terrifying about someone _laughing_ while covered in blood than there was about someone…screaming…while covered in blood.

“Sorry, Dippin’-Dots!” Dipper jolted upright when he heard the familiar sound of his sister’s voice coming through the woods. Oh no. _Oh no_. “I didn’t think I’d—” Dipper couldn’t form the words fast enough to tell her to run, or stop, or to not come closer before she was stumbling into the clearing with one of his many extra notebooks (this one overtaken by glitter) and her bag full of knitting equipment.

On second thought her knitting needles did make good weapons, and Dipper was pretty sure she still had the hookshot from all those years ago.

“Oh, hi Shooting Star!”

Oh shit.

Mabel’s eyes widened and almost immediately Dipper could see her piecing everything together. “W-Wha—Bill?! Is that _Bill_?!”

Bill grinned wider, “The one and only! Now that you’re here, can you tell Pine Tree to give me back my spleen? I think it’s necessary for this body to function.”

“Y-You—what?” Mabel turned to Dipper, gawking still. “You _what_?”

“I was practicing teleporting rocks! And he just—appeared!” Dipper rambled, trying hard _not_ to look Bill (or more precisely, all the _blood_ ).

“So you’ve said, kid.” If Dipper looked he was sure Bill would be rolling his eyes, “I’m still lacking a spleen. So chop, chop!”

“W-What makes you think I know where it went?!”

“Didn’t you have to have a location to teleport the rocks _to_?” Mabel asked, frowning.

“Yeah but it was just—” Dipper paled as realization struck.

“Dipper…?” Mabel started slowly, realization dawning on her face too. That was just proof that even after all these years, she still knew him better than anyone else. “Oh don’t tell me.”

Dipper swallowed thickly. “Uh. W-Well...the good news is I know where your spleen _might_ be.”

“And the bad news?”

“Uh. So might half of Gravity Falls?”  


[T I M E S K I P]  


“Hi, Mr and Mrs Valentino!” Dipper forced a smile on his face, “Sorry to bother you while you’re, uh, working, but have you seen a missing spleen by any chance?”

**Author's Note:**

> Whelp this isn't my first time writing for this fandom (this story is actually up on my tumblr!) but I figured I'd go ahead and upload something, and this is pretty much the only thing I've written that actually feels finished. 
> 
> I really wanted to keep Bill's description vague because of all the awesome variations out there, but once I added it in it was hard to take it out without the rest of that section sounding ....really weird. Oops? (in other words if you think Bill should look differently than he does in this story then GO FOR IT).
> 
> Comments/kudos would be great if you want to leave them! This is the one fandom I really want to write for so I would love to hear how I'm doing!


End file.
